That would be what my friend kindly dubs Valentine’s day, seeing as I hate the holiday so much. I don’t have the heart to point out that I am dreadfully aware of my single-status the rest of the year and I don’t really need a day when the awareness becomes painfully acute.
On a brighter side, I went to a part last night. Another friend of mine has the misfortune of being born on Valentine’s day and, to compensate, had a small gathering in his home for the first time… and probably the last, if his mother has anything to say about it.
The first half of the party was brilliant. I was tipsy and on a high, two of the participants were staggering around and being hilarious and the conversation was good. Then, then I managed to get squished between the two happy couples who, for the sake of this blog, with be known as Selene and Ryan (couple 1) and Georgie and Bill (couple 2). I’d also like to point out that ‘Selene’ is my younger sister and there is nothing more disgusting than watching her and her boyfriend suck each other’s faces off. Needless to say, the unashamed public display of affection did not help my self-esteem and I started to hit the second stage of drunkenness; mild depression and tendency to burst out crying without prior notice. I managed not to cry, though I became pretty close at several points.
Meanwhile, couple 2 had separated and were now doing separate things. Bill, I was warned, turns into a make-out monster when he’s drunk but, to be honest, that didn’t worry me because this was before he hooked up with Georgie. I didn’t really expect him to ask if he could kiss me, in front of his girlfriend of less than a month. So I laughed and said “only if your girlfriend says you can.” I was not expected Georgie to reply “sure, go ahead, so long as I get to kiss her afterwards.”
Bill slobbers when he’s drunk, by the way. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant but I decided against kissing back and gently pushed away after he went in for a second one. Thankfully, I managed to escape last night with the title ‘the only one in the room Georgie hadn’t snogged’. However, as one of the few relatively sober people, I somehow ended up looking after her staggering boyfriend for the rest of the night.
This was how, a few hours later, I ended up sitting next to Bill who was just lying on the floor. My job was to ensure he didn’t knock over anything with his flailing arms and after a while he stopped moving. Bill was still for a good ten minutes, so I decided it was safe enough to lie down as well, because I was kinda sleepy, with my head somewhere by his knees. I got disturbed almost immediately when I was whacked in the head by Bill’s arm on his way down (or up, from his point of view) to grope my chest. This was easily sorted by grabbing onto his wrist. Despite being male, Bill is femininely proportioned and not very strong, even when sober. So, for whatever reasons, Bill decided to sit up and try to wrestle his wrist from my grip that way. Failing again.
At some point during the proceedings, Bill had stopped struggling and was staring at my eyes, rather than my chest for once (being chubby has some advantages, like having a nice rack). Someone called out my name and, naturally, I looked away to see who. Only to find my attention was needed elsewhere because Bill was kissing me again. Moving my mouth resulted in having my cheeks slobbered over and verbal protests had no effect as far as I could discern. So, eventually, I attempted to push Bill off and discovered that weak does not necessarily equal light.
I’m sure everyone will be glad to know that my second and third kisses were lovely experiences.